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The Truth about My Dad's Bar Mitzvah     
       
            mildly edited, based on a direct telling

 by Rabbi Goldie Milgram, author of

Reclaiming Judaism as a Spiritual Practice, Meaning and Mitzvah, & Make Your Own Bar/Bat Mitzvah
 

February 6, 2001

Dear Adam and Mark (my sons):

      So Grandpa Sam calls to say: "So. You're working on a bar mitzvah revolution." Then he starts telling me about HIS bar mitzvah.

     "Goldie did you know I used to go a Talmud Torah between 3rd and 4th on Tappan St in Philadelphia? Mr Zentner was the principal of the school. It was an after school thing during Junior High.

     I was the second to arrive that day. My friend Leibl Gratz, he says, 'Sam I can't get this damn desk up in the air, I'm going to hang it out the window.' So I say, 'Why do you want to do that?' He says, 'Come on Sam, you're a good friend.' So I help him hang the desk out the window. The whole time we can see the neighbor lady across the street is smiling and laughing.

     Mr. Zentner comes in running - I guess she called him. He took one look and all he did was point - OUT - aroys fum dar dee banditin!

     I told my daddy a few weeks later, he says to me: 'YOU are going to learn whether you like it or not.' So they changed me to studying with the rabbi - he got all the bad boys. HE made sure we were ready. We knew our brachas down cold and he smacked us real good on the tush with a ruler to get us there.

     We had a daily opening ritual, Mr. Zentner would open the book and fall sound asleep within the first few minutes. We'd run out back to play til he eventually woke up and caught up with us.

     Oh, you want to know about my bar mitzvah?

     It was a morning service during the middle of the week, I remember Harry came down. Your cousin the dentist, Elliot's dad, the only relative there, there were eleven of us at my bar mitzvah, including him.

     I said the blessings, then my daddy brought out a jar of herring and a bottle of wine - a Bronfman we called it (you know Goldie, that means Liquor Man in Yiddish.) All I got was congratulations, not even a shot of liquor and then my dad says to me:' Now you can go out and play.'

     I remember my dad didn't even give me a tallit - I thought I heard that your father will give you your first tallit, then I thought well maybe that happens when you get married.....well it didn't. I took my dad's tallis after he died, never really liked it. I never realized you could wash'em......the only tallit I ever got was the one you gave me, beautiful - you brought it back from Israel along with that old joke about the Chinese laundry where the bill is $200 and when asked why, the guy says - do you know how long it took to get out all the knots!

     Did I tell you we would have this big chumashes to open up, we did find a use for them - they were great for hiding comic books. Remind me of the reason for your call, dear. Oh, my grandson doesn't want to go to Hebrew High anymore -says the teachers are boring and so tired they fall asleep in class? Did I ever tell you about my bar mitzvah?

Check out my son Mark's CyBarmitzvah Web Site

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