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High Holidays
Preparing the Surface of Your Life

 by Rabbi Goldie Milgram, author of

Reclaiming Judaism as a Spiritual Practice, Meaning and Mitzvah, & Make Your Own Bar/Bat Mitzvah

For someone to write a sefer, is more than to say they’ve written a "book." A sefer is an enduring gem of Jewish significance and one such was written in 1812 by Rabbi Mendel of Satanov. He created a new approach to the practice called Heshbon HaNefesh, "Accounting of the Soul." Reb Mendel teaches a 13 step program of journaling, self reflection, and planned personal change. Heshbon HaNefesh is a helpful method for those who choose to take on the Yom Kippur practice of feeling yourself participating in a Divine review of your ethical actions. Being only human, you will have errors on your record, and so it helps to have a sense that you will earn "extra credit" in your examination by showing a record of sincere efforts at introspection and personal change.

In order to be truly free, honest looking is needed into sensitive areas of self. This approach is not one of self-excoriation. Alan Morinis, author of Musar, explains: "We’re seeking insight, so in a recording [journaling] practice you are to make note of what ever you see, positive, negative or neutral. That shifts this practice quite a bit towards a healthy pursuit of self-understanding as opposed to bare self reproach."

Dr. Gene Gendlin, author of Focusing, observes that to be able to undertake such a soul journey it is important to have something comforting to hold onto. Most likely, you can be even harder on yourself than others will be and you might want to find something real or conceptual to bring along that helps you be both tender and honest with yourself. What would be comforting for you? Bring it to your heart and let’s continue.

While Reb Mendel and Alan Morinis are teaching the art of spiritual journaling, rather than replicate their work, here is another approach I’ve developed to Heshbon HaNefesh.

Equanimity. Ability to live in balance.

Tolerance. Growing pains lead to knowing gains.

Orderliness. Allocating time for living life fully with integrity.

Decisiveness. Acting promptly when your reasoning is sure.

Cleanliness. Modeling dignity in your ways and space.

Humility. Know you will always have much to learn and more opinions than answers.

Righteousness. Conducting your life such that you are trusted and respected.

Economic Stability. Safe guarding enough resources for yourself to live without debt.

Zeal. Living with gusto focused on purpose and care.

Silence. Listening and reflecting before speaking.

Calmness. Giving your needs and thoughts gently while being respectful and clear.

Truth. Speaking only what is fully confirmed in fact.

Separation. Focus on each strand in its own time, avoid multi-tasking.

Temperance. Eating and drinking for good health, not dangerous excess.

Deliberation. Pausing before acting, consider consequences, integrate heart and mind wisely.

Modest Ways. Eschewing crude, lewd and boastful mannerisms and practices.

Trust. Living in the spirit of knowing there is abundance in the universe and you are in the flow.

Generosity. Finding satisfaction in making much possible for others.

)First take any one of these qualities and reflect on its degree of presence and activity in your life.

(Next, you might sit with a friend, partner, class or child and discuss the quality. What are examples for it? Flesh out its meaning to you, find as many nuances of the quality as you can.

(Now, go into yourself and notice where in your body this quality resonates. The mind/body connection creates a short-cut to knowing. Is it lodged somewhere? Rather than thinking about the quality, listen to it, discover what your body knows about it. Then, take the information and gently set it before you and return to see if there is more, something new about this quality you can learn inside yourself.

(What is your desire with regard to this quality? Sit quietly with this question until a clear image forms, til you imagine a real probability. Invite strength and support for this intention from the great dynamic flow of all possibilities in creation.

Many think of Yom Kippur, known as the "day of atonement," as the annual day of repentance. Actually, each Yom Kippur is the apex of one year’s cycle of serious self reflection. Judaism is bullish on humanity, passionate about our in-born ability to change for the better. And, it only makes sense that it would require far more than one day to fine tune your life for rebirth at a more expanded level for the next year. Accordingly, there are many days in the calendar where incremental Heshbon HaNefesh work is traditionally practiced: Thursday evenings as part of lifting soul shmutz in preparation for Shabbat; every day (except Shabbat) of Elul, the month which precedes the High Holy Days. Some also observe Yom Kippur Kattan, "Little Yom Kippur," on the day before each new moon, and as Reb Mendel suggests, it is most effective when engaged in nightly.

The high holy day experience is often reported to be intensified in value and meaning for those with a regular Heshbon HaNefesh practice. Why? Because instead of leaping out of daily life and into the holidays, you will arrive prepared.

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