|
|
|
GOLDIE: Re-entry after teaching or attending a retreat is usually a spiritual challenge. Went from standing at Sinai with the Or Shalom (Vancouver, Canada) Jewish Renewal community to sweltering in the desert and neon of Las Vegas. Fortunately US Customs helped to bring me down to earth on the way back. Didn't spend a penny in Canada, noted that on the customs form. The smiling agent stamps a big red "extest" onto my form and sends me around the corner where all the people with large suspicious boxes go. Ugh. A zillion overseas trips and today, winging my way back to my beloved, to get stuck in bureaucracy. "Oh," the agent says. "It just means you are number 100. We randomly check every one hundredth person to validate our existence to the US government, plus I'm in training." He starts gently looking through the piles of handouts, books about Sinai, covenant, mitzvot and then starts on my stack of hats. "Did you list the value of this merchandise?" "I didn't buy the hats in Canada." "You can't just carry stuff in and out to sell without declaring the value." "They're not for sale. I wear them." Looking skeptical he continues the search. He gets to the tallit and tephillin. Unwinding the tephillin he comments, "kinky. "Tell me madam, you note your purpose in Canada was business, exactly what was your business in Canada?" "I'm a rabbi, I came to teach a synagogue retreat in the mountains." (Uh, oh...wait til he gets to the spices in the Havdalah box....agricultural goods?) "May I see some form of professional identification please?" (Guess who gave away all her business cards on the retreat.) "Kind sir, since you are in training and I am not aware there is anything illegal about carrying hats and leather across state lines, could I speak with your supervisor please?" The supervisor comes over with a flock of trainees. He looks at the mountain of once carefully compacted stuff and then at me and then does a double take at the pile: "Do you know what that is?! Tephillin shouldn't be tossed around like that!" Needless to say it was smooth sailing there-after. More from Goldie: Serving as guest teacher for the Or Shalom retreat was such a delight. A very caring community, it felt like a menschlich shtetl (ethical village) up there in the glorious mountains outside Vancouver. It's been very hard on my husband as I methodically prepare for teaching. Successful retreats take solid infrastructure and a thoughtful mix of deep learning, joyful davenning, free time and lots of fun. My favorite moment was hiking on shabbat up mountains covered with long-ago fallen trees that have grown a curious long-haired deep green moss. We heard the rushing sound of water falls mixed with glorious bird calls and came to a magnificent multi-level water fall landing at our feet on colorful rocks....soon wet socks, deepening friendships and laughter also joined the moment. So deeply inadequate is the feeling of this prayer leader just before services. Praying that The One will send what this particular community needs, praying to get ego out of the way....feels like waiting for the pang that lets the milk come when one is nursing....one has to consciously get out of the way for the "flow" to come... With time one even feels the beginning of trusting this process and learns skills which can help via what Rabbi Shefa Gold calls "stereoscopic consciousness." This is the ability to discern different attributes of the group energy and incline one's voice, soul, prayer and body to fine tune them.....any person praying can do this form of leading too, right from their seat. A harmony of souls begins as a community practices this (particularly palpable on retreat) and the hum of the village being intentionally created is so beautiful. We did three aliyot at Torah reading. The first for those who felt that this Shavuout they were climbing a particular mountain in their lives. For those who came up arrived a blessing that they receive the needed vision for how to proceed in their life. We found in the words of the scroll "let the earth be your altar, not hewn stone" and rejoiced in the power of that awareness of the meaning of "earth" to both ancient and contemporary peoples. The second aliyah came for the reading of the Ten Commandments, those who came up did so to signify this as the tradition's natural recommitment ceremony- for those who see themselves as in a long-term committed relationship with Judaism. The mischabeirach (blessing) was for support in serving on the research and development team of the Jewish future, for a blessing that as Torah comes through the prism of our consciousness that what we discern will increase holiness in this world. The third was for those who are healing their connections to Judaism or who need healing of body, mind or soul. In most such gatherings are many who have needed to be distant from their Judaism for some time, the blessing was for the reconnection to be joyful, full of consciousness and treasures found. We sang Rabbi Shohama Wiener's "Waters of Healing" (available on my website along with a healing meditation under the topic of "prayer") to conclude the Torah service. We explored many, many mitzvot on the retreat as part of our theme. I love to formulate creative experiences to facilitate learning and the Or Shalom folks jumped right in and took everything to an amazing level. The hardest work was on the requested topic: "When boundaries are broken, is forgiveness still a mitzvah?" No words could do justice to the deep sharings that happened. There is a powerful reclaiming of body, mind and soul that happens in a full teshuvah experience....a joy that comes when the time is right, when the group is a safe place for working it out together.....never did I pray harder to be a clear channel than during these moments. Also want to emphasize an awareness, that when one is involved in rebbe'ing, both the perpetrator and those who have been hurt are souls for whom we must give care and guidance, BOTH. There is story in the Talmud where a rabbi sees some thieves and curses them. His wife corrects him saying not to curse them, rather to pray that they tranform themselves and change their ways. Once one gets passed the pain and anger, this perhaps is a wonderful next step for some to take. For Yizkor we gathered in the evening before Havdalah. (Unconventional timing that was helpful.) Around the memorial candles that had been lit before Shabbat we chanted about eternity "Me-olam ad olam, atah El." Each person had brought a photo or memento or just a memory to tell about someone who has gone to the next level of being. The mitzvah of zachor is to tell their stories so that a person's memory will be for a blessing. Oh, how we listened, amazed, amused, tearful, astonished, united through the weaving of the lives into the collective memory of a community. There were infinitely more highlights - Yiddish songfest at the campfire, making take-home moss gardens, prancing around during new games.......and the walks, the long walks with a few singular souls desiring to share a challenging moment in their lives.........walks with golden neshamas who I will never forget, may the blessings which came multiply for them and bring healing. Vancouver, you ask. What about Vancouver? Didn't see much of it. Had one glorious afternoon hosted by a very nice interesting family from the North Shore.....walked to the beach, looked out upon a golden sunset from their picture window over the huge expanse of water below. "It's a rain forest here" they said, the flowers, glorious abundant flowers everywhere proved it. I don't know about the rain part, we had four days of radical sunshine. During the Tikkun Or Shalom's delightful rabbi, David Mivisair led a study of chapter 36 of the Tanya, a Chassidic text which I studied first with amazement in rabbinical school with Reb Zalman. Through Reb David's skillful teaching a message that came through this time is that perhaps The Source has generated conscious beings because an exponential increase in action and thought power is needed to repair the problems inherent in creation. Big project, big team. (On the other hand, if we are holographically replicating that in which we are embedded, wouldn't we also exponentially increase the amount of shadow?......help me out with this!) Coming down the mountain faces radiant, a possible midrash that I argued for as a rabbinical student recurred to me. "Al tigshoo el eeshah." The Torah portion text usually is read as Moses telling the people "don't go near a woman." One could change the vowels, and make it, "al tigshoo el aysh-ah." "Don't go near Her fire." So nice to live in times where we can make our own kind of midrash. The temperature had gone from 45 degrees to amost 90 degrees. Watching the snow caps of high Vancouver mountains transformed into raging waterfalls visible from the highways on the way home....one wonders...do we ever know what a verse really means? Las Vegas? Barry and I wil have to tell you about that one together, after shabbos. P.S. For those who are interested I posted a Four Worlds approach to Torah study, would love readers' ideas on how to express it better or deeper. Look on my website under Torah or What's New. Thanks! |
