CROSS COUNTRY #20 Making a Pesc of Oneself

Barry: Driving north along the coast from Santa Cruz, we stopped several times to check out the magnificent scenery. It was bitterly cold with a biting wind. We felt better after hauling out our winter coats. Apparently they are predicting a cool summer. Everyone tells us the climate here is the mildest in the country. I guess they mean the coldest summers and warmest winters.

Goldie: We saw wind surfers huddled in down coats! Locals keep explaining that records of the missionaries who first came here reflect similarly cold weather....I sense the hope that this is normal and not some evidence of a planet out of wack.

Barry: This is artichoke territory, so we drove a couple of miles inland to the tiny town of Pescadero to indulge ourselves in artichoke soup, steamed artichoke, fish and warm apricot pie. It isn’t as bad as it sounds. At this stage of our journey, we are becoming weight conscious and are splitting meals, so it’s just one of everything. The food was delicious and much more of the artichoke is edible and sweet when it’s fresh.

Goldie: My most sensuous memory will be when we stopped to try organic strawberries fresh off the vine. For the next few miles while I drove Barry kept gradually feeding me the huge sweet strawberries, bite by bite. Berry nice.

Goldie: We were invited to stay in Piedmont (near Berkeley which is near San Francisco) with Sharon and Elliot Ufberg. I met Sharon at the Project Kesher Conference in Chicago. Her vivacity and intellect drew me to her at once. Turns out she is very active in ORT on a national level.....an important part of our Project Kesher work.

Sharon and Elliott’s shabbat table was ringed with the most interesting people - among them Joe, a former Armenian priest who asked the most profound questions who is married to Molly, a brilliant complex systems analyst. Molly introduced me to the notion of creation as a complex learning system which integrates its experiences deeply over time.

Barry then asked how could Rumi and mystics of parallel cultures get the intrinsic holiness and unity of creation so profoundly back in the 1200's and since then, so few people have been able to understand their concepts. Molly suggested that one can accept that all of humanity won’t be functioning in the same paradigm at the same time. There will always be those at the leading edge and those who trail...and all the ingredients of civilization continue to churn and play their role in the ever emerging product. Human development is not linear. Today, for example, children are overly involved in computers and many of their skills are laying dormant or undeveloped.

Started a deep discussion with a genetics counselor at dinner which I hope to continue. She explained that Jewish women don’t actually get more breast cancer than other groups. It was just that blood samples from Tay Sachs screenings were available for doing research on women and so the only group that there is exquisitely worked out data on is Ashkenazi women.

Barry: Next day we went to downtown San Francisco to see my daughter’s paintings on exhibit at the John Pence Gallery at 750 Post Street. Her name is Juliette Aristedes - remember her name, she’ll be famous one day. The exhibit was of tromp d’oeil style- paintings that are so realistic they fool the eye.

Goldie: Her work is exquisitely fine.

Barry: Afterwards the sun had come out, so we sat at a sidewalk café with coffee and a New York Times. Heaven. We soaked up the sights and sounds of the city . There was lots of touristy stuff for sale in Chinatown, Goldie claimed she was "jaded" so we didn’t buy. Get it?

Goldie: Ran into some good ritual. Gotta love it. This took the form of the "Green Street Mortuary Band", a cluster of Sousa march playing Caucasians, proceeding somberly up the main street of China Town in front of an open car in which two obviously sad Chinese people were holding aloft a framed portrait of a middle-aged Chinese man. Behind them was the hearse, etc. At intervals slips were tossed into the air punctured with symbols (does anyone know what might have been written upon them?).

The funeral cortege stopped in front of a building and the back of the hearse was opened (nothing taken out) and a special melody played, the door was closed and the march continued. I introduced myself to the funeral director who explained that the person’s soul would run into their home and a bit later their place of work to say good bye to life on this level of existence.

Barry: There was something quite moving about the scene. Traffic was stopped, pedestrians were looking on and noting his death. It wasn’t just business as usual and it seemed to me that he was being honored in his death by the community.

Barry: On the way back up from the waterfront we walked up a steep hill - as Goldie put it: "Just for the hill of it."After a few blocks, we jumped on a passing crowded cable car using a local elder as a guide. He showed us how to climb up on the rear and seeing the four dollars in my hand, tried to show me how I could avoid paying, but the conductor had spotted me.

Goldie: They really do have a Rice-a-Roni commercial on cable cars. Loved hanging off the side, holding onto hat, flying down hills in the wind....and the vista below of the harbor and sail boats with colorful jibs all aloft....glorious!

We also toured a WWII submarine.... Tried to imagine 70 men aboard the thin vessel, the fumes, raging heat and sound of the engines....their sleeping berths were perched above the torpedoes....diving for dear life with a 10 second warning..They had by far the highest casualty rate in the Navy. And they were all volunteers.

I remembered being at Pearl Harbor a few years back. Having two sons I felt so for the all mothers and all the sons lost....unconsciously began saying Kaddish softly. Soon realized that among the hundreds gathered around me several also joined in. Soon throughout the room the Jews had a whispered unity.....oseh shalom bimromav....may the One who makes peace above do so upon us....silence.

Barry: Last night we had a hike in the forest above Berkeley with Nadia and Victor. They are an interesting couple, unique in that they co rabbi a congregation. The hike was aborted when we discovered ticks all over our clothes. Goldie: " Gotta leave, I’m getting ticked off." (Believe me it’s endless. Perhaps I’ll get some relief if you email her to stop.)

We discussed congregational dynamics over dinner. I know nothing about the subject, but found the conversation very stimulating. Started me thinking about it in gestalt terms, perhaps the congregation could be viewed as an organism with its own awareness cycle, boundaries, resistances, contact zone. This could be a helpful model for rabbis with regard to their issues with their congregations - setting boundaries, exploring defenses, etc. This probably won’t mean much to most people, suffice to say that it’s one way to view the individuals in a congregation as a single entity in relationship with the rabbi.

Also thought of what is involved in spiritual counseling, and had an image of holding a mirror to the client. One that is selective in reflecting back the positive while allowing the negative to pass through. This reinforces the positive traits and empowers the individual to confront the issues. How often do we hold up a mirror to our loved ones and partners and reflect back the negative, allowing the positive to pass unrecognized?!

We spoke about Goldie’s concept of creating a minyan in one’s life and explored the idea of designating certain individuals to being one’s support. Someone said this does not always include your partner "Someone you sleep with." It occurred to me that we could rephrase this: "Your partner is someone you are awake with" ie someone engaged in conscious living with you.

Lest anyone be concerned I’m getting too involved, I’m reading a book called "Smoking, drinking and screwing" short stories by famous writers on the good life. One way to keep me grounded.