Cross Country #3: Days Three through Five:   Barry's Version

We left the Schultze’s at 6.30 am once again with padkos of South African grapes (the fruit exporter we had met in Cape Town at Ralph and Helen’s must be doing well) apples and strawberries. Bernie was making damn sure we were not going to get lost again he drove ahead of us in his red Volvo sports car - (possibly an indication of some latent wild streak in an otherwise conservative man?) - till we were on the highway to Cleveland. On our drive we reflected on this couple whose life revolves around giving to children, community and even a blind elderly relative in Argentina. We thought about their story of a recent trip to Israel to visit their children and grandchildren four heavy suitcases filled with toys and gifts, two items of hand luggage with their own personal effects. Seems like a metaphor for their priorities.

Louise gave us a genealogy of our family before we left and we plan to share it with our other family members.

The workshop at the gestalt center is titled "The voice of shame." There are about 25 participants, most of them therapists. The first person to speak is a woman with a strong southern accent. She says she is uncomfortable around Jews. Before she is lynched she explains it’s because she so envies our long traditions, family roots and all the Jews she knows have long family genealogies. She’s from Appalachia, and they have no pride in their roots, just want to escape the poverty. Another is a native American with issues around prejudice.

I just love these coincidences.

It was a mind blowing workshop with lots of new concepts about shame and the role it plays in shaping our connections to others. Everybody was very friendly and I made some good contacts. Two women offered me a place to stay. I declined, choosing instead to indulge myself in my king size bed in the Cleveland Clinic hotel and watch junk TV without any rabbinic interference. Unfortunately being the Cleveland clinic, several of the channels are in Arabic.

They have more institutions in one square mile in University Circle in Cleveland than anywhere else in the world. Museums are outstanding, the buildings and gardens are beautiful. Saw a huge exhibition of Diego Garcia paintings, also the actual 13 foot boat in which an Ohioan sailed across the North Atlantic.

With everyone’s good wishes, I set off on a three hundred mile drive to Chicago to join Goldie.

Goldie's Version (after this we wrote them together)

On our way across the country we first stopped in a western Pennsylvania coal mining town. One Jewish resident was telling the story of another who had asked the local Imam: "What is your community doing to help Moslems in Serbia?" The gleeful report was that the Imam’s face fell in shame.

Later I met a synagogue leader. Ignoring the former report, I asked her: "What do you think about meeting with leaders of the local mosque and exploring a joint initiative for non-sectarian relief work?" My heart lifted to hear a most affirmative and excited response. To build the possibility of a decent human future it will take such deliberate consciousness to transform ethnocentric impulses into a potential mitzvot.

Despite the dwindling population typical of small PA towns, optimism glowed on the synagogue’s front lawn. A biblical garden was being planted, carefully researched and proudly emerging. They are looking for a part-time rabbi or rabbinical student....any takers on this list? A lovely house and very appropriate p-t salary are included, there are fifty hopeful families, growth unlikely.

We by-passed Centralia, PA on our way out of the state. Devastated by strip-mining, the town has been evacuated while coal fires burn out of control beneath it. A pristine and carefully kept cemetery meets one at it’s entrance, testimony to a collectively maintained memory.

The grossly carved coal country-side reminds me of a book from 1935 my husband found in the garage just before we left. In it the writer proclaims something to the effect that "the redskins did nothing to improve the land, left no carefully established dwellings, no factories, cleared no fields. We white men have almost leveled the forests, factories proudly dot the horizon. We have done so much for this great land!"

Ashland, PA greeted us with a curious large sculpture of a woman sitting on a hill over the tiny town. Drawing closer we read the plaque dedicated by the boys’ league: "To motherhood, the greatest vocation." The woman in the sculpture? Whistler’s mother, image taken from the painting. At that spot, our mini-van, dubbed "Van Gogh", became Van NoGOgh....though the problem proved to be only a loose battery cable.

We stayed our second night in Warren, Ohio with cousins of my husband, who’s huge Lithuanian family (via South Africa) spans the globe. They had gathered a dozen of the clan and presented us with an extensively documented family tree and news of family in Argentina who’s poverty is being eased by a family campaign.

Some healing work was also needed, it seems shortly after leaving their employ to move to California, the student rabbi who trained in their synagogue committed suicide. Feelings of betrayal, guilt, sadness and despair came through when they heard of my capacity as a seminar dean. They emphasized the importance of psychiatric screening for the rabbinate (now mandatory at The Academy.) I found myself praying for guidance and the ritual work we did together seemed cathartic and healing....I hope so.

The Project Kesher Women’s Exchange International gathering in Chicago for four days was special far beyond my expectations. I can’t forget the women from Russia and Ukraine commentingangrily on the action in Kosovo, "Men of all nations drop bombs on problems they cannot solve." Among the sessions I led was a bibliodrama intended to reclaim meaning from the sacrificial system, the amazing women present redeemed the voice of the High Priests daughter who is described as being required to be burned to death should she play the role of the harlot......these brave, bright women helped to take the parsha to an amazing level of healing and hope...incredible.

My husband had just returned from training at the Cleveland Gestalt Institute on the topic of shame. "In the long view," he observed by way of validating the women, "shaming results in the inability to act based on values. One enters a state of toxic shame, a sort of immunity to it develops as one continues to prove oneself right and enters into solidarity with those who share one’s inclination.

What is the goal of all this travelling - so many countries in one year? At the Kesher Conference a sense of the flow of history became clearer....the goal is to carry ideas and methods of peace-making, of new ways of leading and living.....methods that will feed into the several hundred year project of taking humanity to a new level of behavior.....send ideas, come along with me, critique gently and as much as necessary....we can and must do this work!

Generously endowed with guidance for enjoying Chicago, Barry and I took an architectural walking tour which began with the great fire of 100 years earlier that destroyed much of the commercial part of town. We learned fascinating facts of how fire-proofing strategies came out of the strategy and also saw much of interest regarding Art Deco and Frank Lloyd Wright design.

The last surprise was one of a related series. People from various countries keep asking for help in converting to Judaism....universally they cite being turned away by rabbis of all denominations. A woman on the F.S.U. (Former Soviet Union) team at the Kesher Conference takes me aside......"please work with me, it must be a woman, a rabbi who understands us...please...) Raised under communism, many have only one Jewish parent and a deep sense of needing a ritual for authenticity of their passionate commitment to Judaism and our people. I felt tears begin to fall at their asking this, and wonder your thoughts on how to proceed?

Billboards are speeding past with curious messages:

"Know who the father was: 1-800-DNA-TYPE"....."Care for my land or I will make rush hour worse...God." The wind is severe and it looks like Tornado weather, hopefully all will be well.

Love and blessings and hoping to hear back from you. Goldie