Cross Country #40 What Kallah Is Your Parachute?

SHABBAT, SHABBAT!

SHABBAT, SHABBAT, SHABBAT, SHABBAT...............

Preamble: (you can skip this part if you wish.)

Barry: I grew up in a home about 100 yards from the synagogue. We lived in Maitland, a low middle class neighborhood in Cape Town South Africa. The services were beyond boring. As exercises in torture they were quite successful. The prayers were rapidly mumbled with an occasional intelligible word of Hebrew and I don't ever remember if I ever heard English used in prayer. The adults gossiped and discussed business, and we kids talked incessantly. Occasionally we slipped out of services and went to "Bub's circle" - the cul de sac in front of our house where we played soccer and cricket.

It was very hard to rustle up a willing minyan. Being one of five sons, once I had my bar mitzvah, there would come a knock at the door and I or my brothers would be shanghaied - pressed into service as it were. So I learned to hide.

On coming to America, I discovered Conservative Judaism. Now the services were still as boring, but in English.

As for the rest of Shabbat, it was chicken soup with eggs, chopped liver, chicken fat, chicken and anything else that would inevitably shorten the life span of the Jewish male.

Other than going to shul, we were expected to do nothing, except walk to the local movie theater to watch a matinee. Don't worry, it doesn't make sense to me either.

What does all this have to do with Shabbat at the Kallah? Nothing and everything. If the above situation is toxic, what is the opposite of toxic?

Nourishing?????

Goldie: Truth to tell, I've never been to a Kallah before...assorted life challenges always got in the way of well laid plans. Accordingly, don't expect comparisons with previous years. This was just the best Kallah ever, so far as I'm concerned. One auditory meaning of Kallah is "bride." I felt like a bride approaching this Shabbat - eyes shiny with anticipation at experiencing something new and special....another "first time."

Preparation:

Goldie: Everyone selected the pre-shabbat ritual immersion approach of their choice (river, swimming pool, shower). I missed the group mikveh in order to give a rebbe-style counseling session to someone who wanted to help with a block about the mitzvah of "loving God with all your heart, all your soul and all your might", as is indicated in Deuteronomy. It's challenging to find time to do everything needed at a Kallah.

At home Barry and I use our hot tub as a mikveh. For me this is a cosmic womb ritual, allowing us to let go of the cares of the week with each dunk, releasing any shmutz which has accrued to our souls. Happily I recalled a story of one chassid who, when faced with missing mikveh, had his students surround him in a circle. He then joyfully declared them to be his mikveh, dancing up and down in the spiritual currents there-in and reciting the mikveh blessings. So Barry and friends agreed readily to surround me and we proceeded to emulate the story. With each immersion I turned to face another member of the circle and emerged radiantly purified and ready to glide into Shabbos.

The procession:

From the "mikveh" we turned toward the sound of a Hebrew madrigal coming from a huppah (wedding canopy) in the distance. Every Kallah participant was streaming toward the huppah, most dressed in flowing white garb....the flame of our souls aroused in anticipation of meeting The Beloved.

The Shabbat committee created a beautifully planned stroll across campus for us. We walked under the huppah and entered a new universe where we pass signs bearing clever, sweet and wise sayings, pass softly rhythmic dumbek players, ten feet later a flutist, another fifteen feet to teams of chanticleers, then greeters, one spot beside a flower garden has a sign reading something to the effect of: "pause hear and listen to the silence that comes after death...."(or something like that) After the pause we begin to sing back sweet niggunim to those who greet us.

The week's process has led many of us to our higher selves. A rebbetzin once told me that when seeking a mate go for someone who:

l) Brings out the best in you
2) You love to be with, and
3) Sees and celebrates you for who you are,
perhaps that applies to finding a religious community as well.

Barry: The procession has an Elizabethan quality for me, like being in a Shakespearean play. I am also reminded of the time in Phoenix when I walked through a park lined with affirmations for people afflicted with cancer. This walk is affirming and uplifting. I am also reminded to pause in my rush to a destination (in this case Shabbos) and to make the journey there, special.

Friday night service:

Goldie: My son Mark keeps marveling and saying "how will I remember all the ideas for my bar mitzvah!" Davennen is a best hits of Jewish renewal experience, where like pearls strung together, so are the melodies and voices of Hannah Tiferet, Yitz Husbands-Hankin, Jack Gabriel, Linda Hirschorn, David Zaslow, Deborah Zaslow weaving a story-telling...Daniel Siegel's artful hand in creating the new renewal style prayerbook can be felt in each moment....and many many more of our dear friends and colleagues appear and are involved. Each takes a turn at doing a piece.

Shabbat morning Barry, Mark and I select the service led by a former boyfriend of mine, Rabbi Shawn Zevit and my Kallah teacher Liz Lerman. Shawn and I are at that nice point that comes after a few years of good boundaries to allow for healing.....a friendship connection becomes possible that has all the good qualities to it and no residual pain or longing. Shawn can lead for me any time, his service was like liquid silk upon the soul. He has been developing his own melodies and renditions of the liturgy....teamed with Liz's subtle support of group movement we become a shabbat organism.

Goldie: Shawn's style is a smooth weaving through sound and gentle voice-over guidance, commencing with meeting us in the lobby. We begin to follow our rabbi-troubador up and down the aisles of the massive auditorium....Liz guides us to become separate strands - weaving and chantsinging our way up and down the rows, becoming a work of kinetic heart.

Barry: As we pass each other serpentigously in the aisles, we claim the vast auditorium as our sacred space, regrouping on the stage. They skillfully transform us from being individuals in a small lobby to a congregation where all the world is both a stage and a shul. We don't just walk into an auditorium, by the time we settle down on the stage, we have dedicated a temple and having made eye contact with the people we have passed, we are bonded as a community.

Goldie: Mark is nestled between us like a baby bird. He is both cuddly and profound, an improbable pre-teen combination. The words Shawn has selected move truths through us: Open unto me strength for my weakness, open unto me courage for my fears, open unto me, Your heart for my heart.....Barry and I find our eyes and souls meeting in the pure intentions, we turn to Mark and include him. Love happens.

Then love deepens into community. Into the center a tender soul is asked to stand, a sculpture of humanness, each of us are invited to join with her, become part of a sculpture of connection....gently we each move forward to the melody with Rabbi Rami Shapiro's unforgettable rendition: "We are loved by an unending love...." at the end we are all linked and touched.

The Torah portion has Moses asking for the decree to be overturned, for him to be allowed to enter the Promised Land. We are invited to become Moses in dialogue with God. "I have earned this, worked my whole life for it, how can you hold me back?" "They will mess up, I have to lead them through this last little bit!"........and God: "A new generation has to take over now, give them space to evolve, you have earned your rest." "You have begun adding to my words, who authorized you to slaughter the Midianite women and children....it is time for new leadership."

What a feeling, to work your whole life for something and then realize you....ahhh, many a scientist and researcher must have done so....got part way there, tasted the hoped for result on the tip of their consciousness...

The service continues and we come to the place of Kaddish. We have many mourners, when a woman voices her mourning for the death of her five year old niece, I too step forward, friends of mine lost their five year old niece to drowning earlier in the week. Liz helps us speak grief through movement, I imagine the two children becoming friends on the other side....the image is so powerful it may have indeed been happening.

We close with a sequence of hand movements that have been building during the week...a chain of recollections of each step of this spiritual adventure....fingers cupped overhead as a candle flame, holding an imaginary large tallit and swishing it on over our heads, wiping a tear from a neighbor's cheek.....to think I'd called it a festival.

Barry: What I see happening in Jewish renewal is an opening up, a contact will all aspects of self....our sense of joy, of sadness, creativity and spontaneity. For those who have been physically abused, touch becomes safe (Goldie: today's renewal teachers sign fierce agreements regarding physical and sexual continence, we agree not to solicit or enter into any romantic relationships with participants during retreats) - for those who feel emotional about something it become safe to make contact with and express that emotion.

People who are strong enough to face up to their woundedness, which we all have, take risks and in their emergence into the light, have this exuberance of creativity and spirituality. Based on my knowledge of Gestalt, this is a perfect prescription for healing and the end result is intense contact between people and formation of a spiritual community.

Compare this to a typical service where people sit in aisles, are told what to say or sing, when to stand and when to sit. In Jewish renewal people can sit when they want to sit, stand if they have a need to stand, dance in the aisles if feeling the desire to dance. Ultimately, even the aisles have disappeared and services can be held anywhere.

When women adopted the practice of prayer shawls they introduced a variety of colors and fabrics and this has led to an outpouring of artistic creativity in wearable Judaica. Likewise freedom from the shackles of traditional melodies and services, has led to a flood of creativity in music and dance. Touring this country and visiting many aquariums and gardens and seeing nature in its profusion of shapes and colors ....it feels right that God would feel at home with us, and far from being disrespectful it is totally respectful and honoring of that ultimate Role Model.

Goldie: I experience this also at the level of the healing of our people post-Holocaust and multiple prior exiles, traumatic stress syndrome. This is a time of taking on awareness of the shadow side of God and humans. Jewish renewal has excelled at restoring joyful spirituality to Judaism, yet spiritual maturity requires the conscious integration of the challenges in our lives, not simply their transcendence or deflection. Ultimately those who survive hard times turn their traumas into fossil fuel for liberation....a process called "geulah" in Judaism.

Shabbos afternoon:

Goldie: I remember walking with Reb Zalman when I worked at ALEPH, advocating bringing equal focus on the matter of the shadow side of God and humanity....it's part of why I selected the subject of the Mitzvot (sacred acts of consciousness) to teach.

Rabbi Adin Steinsaltz describes a mitvah as having two stages: l) Awareness of the presence of God as one enters into the action and 2) the revelation that occurs through doing the mitzvah.

Trying to understand this with a student whom Barry and I counsel together, we ask her to imagine we are a couple coming to a soup kitchen where she is volunteering. She is to walk towards us while having a dialogue with God, asking for support, to be a channel for Shechinah energy, to carry the intention of the Melech - Organizing Principle of the Universe. When she reaches us she is luminous, richly supported by the Source and our hearts open to let her help us, through her act she is re-connecting us to life. This is different than doing a mitzvah just because it is there....channelling connection to The One through an action is powerful spirituality.

Barry: I have the opportunity to go spend Shabbat afternoon on Oregon coast with a friend,but decline needing to process the mornings events as well as join Goldie in her planned counselling session. I initially use a Gestalt technique to create a level of awareness of her needs. Goldie's method takes the process to a deeper level and all three of us are altered by the experience.

The concert:

We have been in the midst of a group of enormously talented people. Howard Rubin, a professional magician, m.c.'s an evening concert that includes many recording artists. By now we are exhausted and saturated and relieved to find an early Havdallah happening.

Goldie: Transitioning into the week needs a ritual. The traditional one involves a lighting a braided candle - symbolizing the interweaving of those who have made up our community this Shabbos; a cup of wine for joy; and sweet smelling spices, that we might carry an olfactory memory and access it during the week.

Barry: Near me is sitting a man in Orthodox dress. He has provided the myrtle for the many little sweet smelling sachets and spent over a hundred hours volunteering in the book store.He started off doing this because he is a fellow Jew living in the community doing a mitzvah. By the end of the Kallah he turns down a good Shabbos handshake in favor of a hug.