My Dearest
Friend:
Going to your grandmother's grave to recite the traditional
prayers is an important and powerful mitzvah. Judaism seeks to help us transform the
pain of loss over the course of a year into an enduring honoring of their life as part of
our stored and accessed memories.
So far as I can sense, her soul will
be buoyed up on its travels by your willingness to do this mitzvah which a soul cannot do
for itself. Your family did the first half of the mitzvah, restoring the body to the
earth. A soul cannot do that mitzvah for itself either, as it is already entering it's
next level of experiences.
You don't have to be a rabbi to create a meaningful
ritual. In the steps that follow I've outlined simple and powerful steps for
offering a meaningful Jewish ritual for your circumstance. Please let me know how
this goes for you.
Reb Goldie
1. It is traditional to start with a psalm. Psalms are rich in the variety
of human emotions.
See which verse strikes you and just repeat it over and over as a way of being in touch
with God and your feelings. Do this beside her grave.
2. Recite a small eulogy, let her soul and God know at least one good
thing about her life. It is a time to sing praises as a soul moves on and send it
blessings to be free of its issues on the next plane of existence.
3. Read the following words. These are only said at a funeral and at
yizkor (memorial) services on certain holy days. These are words which seem to help
midwife a soul to the next level and are a source of comfort to us as we mourn their
absence in our daily lives.
El malei
rachamim God
Who is Full of Compassion
Shokhein ba-m'roemim Who
dwells beyond
(ed. note, I think of this as the God aspect which is like the eggshell is to the egg)
Ha'm'tzei m'nukha n'khona Locate a true
rest
(ed. note, customized experience where the issues they bore on the embodied plane are no
longer operative)
Al kanfei HaShekhinah on the wings of the Shekhinah
(Ed. note: I sense our sages saw this as image of baby eagles warmly nestled together
under a mother eagle's wing...........meaning properly parented, which often wasn't a
person's case in embodied life.)
B'ma-alot k'doshim
u'tohorim may this
soul rise to the level of the holy, purest of
intentioned beings
k'zohar ha-rakeeyah
mzheerim who
shimmer like the sky at its most stunning moments
Et nishmat................her first name Hebrew if
possible or English
(For the soul of .........................)bat ...........................her mother
and father's first names
(daughter of ................and ........................)
Sheh halkhah et olama who is on
the path to her next world of being
B-ah-vore she anahnu
mitpah-l'lim b'ad hazkarat nishmatah
for whom we are praying so that her soul will become a sacred memory
B'gan Ayden T'hay mnukhatah let her rest be
Edenic
La-kheyn baal ha Rachamim
therefore,
Compassionate-Womb-like One
Yastireyha b'seyter knahfayv
l'olamim secret her into
the world beneath your wings
V'yitzror beet-tzror ha-hayim
et nishmahtah keep her
soul-ties alive ed. note, let her/us remain in touch
Adonai hi nakhalatah That Which is Becoming What It is
Becoming is her inheritance .. (ed note, she is within Creation's process, as are we
all.........ongoingly important are we to the Source)
V'tahnu-ahk b'shalom al
mishkavah May she be
resting in completion/peace .........(ie., may her soul not be restless and it accept
this moving on)
V'nomar ameyn. And let us say, amen.........[amen
can be seen as an acronym for El (God) Melekh (rules/continues) ne-eman (faithfully) ed
note, i.e. trust the Process.........all is connecting and unfolding and we are loved and
part of this, even when we can't figure it out because we are limited by being human.)
4. Take a rock
and place it on or near her grave. It is a tradition to do this whenever we visit a grave
to show that to those who walk by that someone is indeed remembered.
5. Leave a pitcher of water and a bowel and towel outside your doorway at
home. When you return from the cemetary it is traditional to wash your hands. Lift your
hands up after the washing and send a blessing from your heart to the Source for
supporting us through these transitions and blessing us with the radically amazing
phenomenon that is this life.
All my love to you and blessings for the integration of the loss of this
important, special person into a meaningful, cherished series of memories for you and
generations in your family to come. Reb Goldie
Kaddish is
written in the lingua franca of the rabbinic period (when we lived under the Greeks
and Romans); presumably so that every person would understand the prayer. Today most Jews
don't understand Aramaic (or Yiddish/Ladino/Amharic/Arabic or German) the linguae franca
of our most recent historical periods) and the cadence of Kaddish has taken on the quality
of a mantra.
Its rhythmic, repetitive quality holds a deep, sacred comforting place in the
life-cycle practices of our people. A rendition of the meaning I find in the words is
listed below the Aramaic transliteration.
Yitgadal v'yitkadash shemi rabbah
V'almah divrah khirutei v'yamlikh malkhutei
V'khayeh-khon u'v'yoh-mey-khon u'v'kheyey d'khol beyt Yisrael
Ba-ah gah lah u'vizman kah-riv v'yimru ah-meyn.
Y'hey shmei rabbah m'vorakh, l'olam u'l'awl-mey almaya yitbarakh
Yitbarakh v'yishtabakh v'yitbah-ahr v'yit-roh-mam v'yitnahseh
V'yithadar, v'yitah-leh, v'yitha-lal shmei d'kud'shah brikh hu.
L'aylah min kal birkhatah v'shee-rah-tah
Tooshb'khata v'neh-khe-mata ba-ahmeeran b'almah v'imru ah meyn
Y'hei slhama raba min shamaya v'khayiim alyenu v'al kol Yisrael v'imru
ameyn.
Oseh shalom bim-roe-mahv hu yah-ah-seh shalom aleynu v'al kol Yisrael v'al
kol yoshvei teyvel. V'imru ameyn.
Interpretive Translation of Kaddish by Rabbi Goldie Milgram:
Ever evolving and increasing in holiness are the many names of God within this
intentionally created world. May awareness of this governing principle be in effect for
the days of each life and the lives of all our people in a time that is quickly
approaching.
Let us affirm this faithful God.
May these many names be blessed in all the dimensions and even more dimensions.....
Blessed, praised, transcendently wondrous, ever trying harder and ever more glorious,
going up to new levels, praiseful is this Holy Consciousness. Blessed be. Above and beyond
all blessings and songs and praises and sweetness that could be spoken in any dimension.
Let us affirm this faithful God.
May there be increasing peace from cosmic intention and life for us and all our people.
Let us affirm this faithful God.
May the one who makes cosmic harmony make this for us, our people and all residents of
this planet.
Let us affirm this faithful God.
The Memorial Mitzvah
It is traditional to honor
the memory of our loved ones by giving to a worthy cause in their name.
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