Dear Daniel:
Many report boring and meaning-lacking experiences with
Twentieth Century afternoon Hebrew school educations
similar to yours - and mine. Like yourself, I started
asking questions and discovered a treasure chest of
powerful spiritual practices inside of Judaism that were
covered over by what I think of as a period of mourning
and depression after the Holocaust.
It’s so great that you have written to connect to your
roots and the time leading up to the High Holy Day
season is one of the most wonderful points for tapping
into meaning and spirituality in Judaism. It has been
long enough for our pain to be transformed into fuel for
a healthier future. It is time for us to tackle the new
paradigm times in which we live and to shine the light
of Torah onto ourselves.
Seen through the lens of meaning for living, the mission
of the approaching season is support for the human
capacity for self-acceptance in order to clear the way
for our evolution to higher, kinder states of
consciousness. Let's contemplate the sound of the shofar when blown through the human soul. It is
meant to be a wake up call for your life. So, too,
tapping on your chest is knocking on the door to your
heart, to see what needs to be addressed so that a New
Year will have newly opened doors to healthier
relationships.
This is the season for the Jewish practice of
realigning/healing problematic relationships. Our
tradition utilizes a process spelled out perhaps best by
the sage Maimonides, called teshuvah, from the
root shuv, for turning. I'm not talking about
“cheap t’shuvah”, where someone calls a few
minutes before Yom Kippur to say, "We’re fine with each
other aren’t we? Oops, gotta run, time for services." Or
some other insincere check-in. True teshuvah is
one of the most important Jewish spiritual practices,
it’s very different from the Christian practice of
forgiveness, which is often termed, "let go and let
God." Judaism insists that we must work things through
with each other and then the way is paved for a healthy
New Year.
Jews use the metaphor of God as a parent to imagine
ourselves asking for support and guidance if we are
ready to do a teshuvah dialogue with someone with
whom we have something to work out. Of course, not
everyone is safe to do a teshuvah process with,
sometimes a letter is indicated, some things have to
wait for another life-time even. One must use
discretion; listen for your inner truth about when and
with whom. That said, to hold someone hostage who wants
to do teshuvah with you, if they ask three
different times and bring witnesses to their sincerity
and are rebuffed, then the obligation falls on your
shoulders, not theirs; they tried. Ask your rabbi or
study Maimonides laws of teshuvah for more
details on the many fascinating aspects of teshuvah.
How does sincere teshuvah take place? My method
is to start by sitting quietly. Let anything that is on
the plate of your life that might get in the way of this
process come up inside of you. Notice what arises and
let it know that you honor its presence in your life and
you will attend to it later, after you do this very
important spiritual exercise. Set that item on your life
agenda outside of you, use your imagination to do this.
Now, allow anything else that needs clearing, one at a
time to arise, be named honorably, and set all of them,
outside of you respectfully.
Now inside yourself again, not inside your
"head" per
se, but deep inside your spirit/body, ask, "is there
something between me and someone in my life that needs
attention?" See who arises. It might be a twinge, a
closing of the throat, or sense of tightness in your
stomach or some other sensation. See who is attached to
that sensation or explore the sensation’s qualities.
Longing? Sorrow? Anger? An unmet need? Outrage?
See how refined you can get your understanding of the
negative energy between you and that other person by
letting your body speak your truth inside for you to
notice. It might be that you did something to that
person, or s/he did something to you. Whole families,
work sites and social circles can be disrupted horribly
by even minor problems between people. Judaism sees it
as intensely holy to work something out, to take
responsibility for our part in the system. When even one
person changes, even if the other person refuses
contact, something changes for the good.
Now, ask your body,
"Should I approach this person for a teshuvah session?" You might imagine yourself
calling that person and saying: "Hi, I’m so aware there
is negative energy between us. I’d like to put
our relationship onto a better level, not now on
the phone, but to begin a process. Would you be
open to meeting? I’d be glad to listen to what
you’ve been feeling and not respond defensively?
Could we try that? Would you be open to setting
a time to get together?"
What do you feel in your guts when you imagine
initiating such a meeting? If it feels very unsafe to
do, don’t; or if you imagine a skillful therapist or
mediator present, does your body signal to go ahead? Or
does your body signal that this could be a good thing,
even if somewhat scary? What do you detect? Your
intellect might give you false information, thinking
something through doesn’t always result in your deepest
truth. Listen for subtle cues from your body, your soul
– a twinge of pain or an opening, a shift toward hope or
healing? Go with that.
The method I’ve just described is called Focusing, it
was discovered by Dr. Gene Gendlin, author of
best-selling book by the same name. His discovery is
well-documented in Jewish sources. The inner subtle
voice is one of Judaism’s most ancient God definitions.
This is found in the Book of Kings, where G*d is
troubled by the prophet’s extreme egotism and commands:
"Go
out, and stand on the mountain in the face of
That Which is Becoming.
That Which is Becoming passed by
and a great and strong wind tore the mountains
and broke in pieces the rocks
In the face of That Which is Becoming.
But G*d/That Which is Becoming
was not in the wind;
and after the wind an earthquake;
but G*d/That Which is Becoming
was not in the earthquake;
and after the earthquake a fire;
but G*d/That Which is Becoming
was not in the fire;
and after the fire
a subtle (some translate "small") still voice."
There it is - create a safe
space, clear your mind of old knowledge, thoughts and
emotions and --- after the wind, after the earthquake and
after the fire let the felt sense come and speak to you
with the subtle small still voice from underneath it
all, the message we get when we wait and allow it to
emerge.
The Hassidic text Etz Hazman
comments on this experience in a piece
called: In the Subtle Voice --- In
Stillness.
"Subtly, in a moment, in stillness, and in
contemplation, we are able to hear the echo (bat kol) of
'that which I command you this day.' (i.e, from
underneath can come the little steps to say what and how
I am to do today, just now.) Being that the "sound" of
the Bat Kol comes in the subtle stillness, tenderly, it
is more difficult to hear it if there is a denser
stronger kol (voice) which is overcoming and forcing it
aside; polluting it." [Voices of self attacking, anger,
fear, guilt, shame and bitterness constrict us, very
loud voices! Then we hide from those voices and hear
nothing inside. Therefore tenderness is needed and a few
minutes of safe welcoming. 'Where am I just now, under
all that?' Then we hear from deeper down, where the soul
is always praying and struggling to live forward in some
good way."
Rav Kook, [19th century
chief Rabbi of Israel before founding of the modern
state] taught that the soul is always active,
communicating, we just aren't listening to it. He
explained the soul as our inner voice, our uniqueness,
containing knowledge of our mission in life. He wrote
that if one doesn't listen to her inner voice she will
become depressed, enervation will wither; there will be
a lack of passion, personal confusion. In the prayer
book he edited, Olat Ra-aya, he also describes
the felt-sense phenomenon I’ve encouraged you to use for
your teshuvah process:
"The
perpetual prayer of the soul continually tries
to emerge from its latent state to become
revealed and actualized, to permeate every fiber
of the life of the entire universe...Sudden
spiritual clarity comes about as a result of a
certain spiritual lightning bolt that enters the
soul...[ A clarity can also come right now in
very small steps from the small voice under it
all] when many days or years have passed without
listening to this inner voice, toxic stones
gather around one's heart, and one feels,
because of them, a certain heaviness of spirit.
The primary role of spiritual clarity is for the
person to return to him/herself, to the root of
one's soul."
Daniel, Judaism is full of
such gems. May part of your teshuvah, turning,
this year include a returning to discover the power and
beauty of our ancient path.
L’Shana Tova, Rabbi Goldie Milgram
