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Passover Cleaning and Other Musings

 by Rabbi Goldie Milgram, author of

Reclaiming Judaism as a Spiritual Practice, Meaning and Mitzvah, & Make Your Own Bar/Bat Mitzvah
 

Closet Space

Before Passover begins walk through your living space. Open each cabinet in kitchen and bath. Lift the bed skirts, open the closet doors, reveal the refrigerator. Notice what is inside.

(Contemplate what you see. Is there hametz? Probably there’s the easy kind: A box of cereal, loaf of bread. This is also about the other hametz. Caffeine, chocolate, work, shopping, maybe bigger addictions. What did you find?

Who has time for all of this? It can be a sobering exercise to open up all cabinets and contemplate what’s within. What will be revealed? Truth to tell, some head for a kosher resort, or a cruise, and there are always paper plates. However, the drama is your life, and you are resetting the stage for transformation. More rigorous aspects of this practice include efforts such as changing over all of the dishes, pots and pans by putting out sets of these reserved for Passover only. Also, taping shut cabinets that hold the year-long sets of dishes, silverware, pots. What is really going on?

Since your home is a temple for your personal life, this Passover practice is a reminder to check that what you have on-site meets your criteria for sacred. Do this with friends, partners, children, help elders to prepare too. Closets in the children’s rooms can be memorable visits when done without punitive intent, just let their spirits and yours "see;" remember to include your study and the bathroom cabinets. A friend did this and what she saw through the mess in her daughter’s room was a troubled soul. She hadn’t really grasped just how badly this child was doing in life.

Cleaning is another kind of seder, way of creating "order." This ordering effect also takes hold when you restock and restack your cabinets after the holiday. Everything that is hametz goes out of the house. This means anything that could have been open to contact with leavened products. Some engage in a ritual of selling their hametz to, or having it held by, a non-Jewish person for a nominal sum. 

Would that it could be as easy to release emotional hametz, like toxic memories lingering in objects better dispatched than retained. There is a paradox in the search for hametz. It is intended to commemorate the haste with which the Israelites leave Egypt; because of this the dough didn’t have time to rise and became flat bread, symbolized by matzah. Yet, it is the lack of haste and the increased attention to the detail of removing the hametz, that is the focus of the practice, as the story that follows helps to teach:

A Candle, A Feather and A Spoon          a Pesach ritual and memory        
          by  Rabbi Goldie Milgram

They were incredulous at my lack of enthusiasm.

My two beautiful sons, just back from day school, were waving feathers in my face and whining:

"But we have to, Mommy! Teacher says we have to look for hametz with a candle, a feather and a spoon." [hametz typically means food that isn’t kosher for Passover, in this case bread and cake crumbs that might have literally slipped through the cracks.]

"Give me a break you guys! That's some archaic nonsense, cleaning for Passover, changing the dishes. Just getting the seder together is plenty for me!"

The older one, Adam (who has just turned seventeen as I write this, but who was about eight at the time), stares me down and responds with a characteristic flourish. "Mom, you always say it's important to try out all the Jewish traditions, at least once. Why not this time?"

O.K. They had me, but good. Gathering my dignity, I assumed my family role as dean of ritual and punted with a question:

"Why do we need a candle to look for hametz?"

"Because we have to look everywhere, even in the dark corners." They exclaimed jumping with glee.

"Why everywhere? Does it really matter if we miss a crumb?" (Housekeeping is simply not my field.)

"Mom, hametz is what grandma calls shmutz, it's under the beds, in the corners. You can't get freedom if there's shmutz around. This is about freedom!"

We were in the den. I’m thinking, right, only a bunch of men studying in a yeshiva somewhere could imagine housekeeping is about freedom. And then the younger one, Mark, pipes in with: "Mom, you know how you describe saying mean things as ‘getting shmutz all over your soul?’"

"Yes, and?"

"Maybe that's really the shmutz that's hiding in the house. Like all the times I took the remote control away from Adam in this room, punched him and called him a jerk."

The little guy had really given offered something of substance to reflect on. Pushing the project a little further I asked, "So that’s a great explanation of what the real hametz is that we’re looking for, let’s try it in each room. And as we went from room to room, to my chagrin, they revealed lots of difficult moments which left each of us looking pretty shmutzed up.

The next question came: "Why do we have the feather?"

The older one put it perfectly, acute impatience in his voice that I even had to ask.

"MOM, you wouldn't want to use a pitch fork would you, not on our feelings?"

So we went from room to room, reflecting on the aspects of shmutz that had gotten onto our relationships in the home, collecting lint and crumbs, bobby pins and a missing sock - representative of our family chametz.

"So, Mom, why the spoon? We already know its for korban Pesach, to symbolize the Passover sacrifice that the Israelites did in the wilderness. What did sacrifice mean in those days? Why do we take the hametz and burn it up in the spoon?"

How do you explain "resistance" to kids? That people don't change so easily. All we can do is collect our little piles of shmutz from the year, lay them on the altar of our intentions and focus the light of hope and love such that some of our shmutz burns away. Ancient rather than archaic, the ritual turns out to be designed to help your mistakes decay into personal fossil fuel, which then becomes a source of energy for living with greater consciousness.

 Message from Reb Goldie: 
     What is the core spiritual metaphor of Passover?   The Torah and Pesach are road maps to the Promised Land of our dreams. How does this work?
     When we choose to make a major life change from a situation that feels oppressing, after the initial elation we often notice a major glitch.  Our resumes suddenly have as their most recent entry:  "experienced slave."
      It seems colossally unfair after all the stress of deciding to leave that we don't find ourselves in the promised land.  Like the Israelites, we too need to be reformatted through the knowing pains and growing pains which come during the wilderness periods after major departures. (Divorces, job changes, emigrations.) This process adds valuable new experience and skills to the resume of our soul.
     We can recreate ourselves and attain the promised lands of our dreams. We are energized and supported to do this through our awareness of connection to The Source and nurtured and comforted by the sacred stories of our Jewish tradition, which point the way.
     Love and blessings for a sweet season of increased freedom for all.  Reb Goldie

What would you take with you?    by Rabbi Goldie Milgram 
              
After asking the four questions, in some Moroccan families, the person leading the seder leaves the room and returns with the afikomen in a napkin draped over their shoulder (Tom Sawyer fashion, for Mark Twin fans) and then recounts the story of the exodus out of Egypt. This got me to thinking, if I was told overnight that I was leaving Egypt - what would I take with me? I recalled a Holocaust survivor showing me the little stack of photos she'd sewn into the leg of her pants just before she was taken prisoner......what would you take?

1. In advance make sure there is a large napkin at each place.
2. You could begin by teaching the Reb Nachman song: Kol ha olam kulo gesher tzar mo'od, v'ha eekar lo l'fakheyd klal. All of the world is a very narrow bridge and the main thing is not to fear at all."
3. Tell participants to "imagine you are being forced to leave your home immediately. Everything you can take with you must fit into your napkin. You can take two kinds of things with you. Material things and the qualities of yourself that be your best assets for this part of your journey. Take a few minutes in silence to decide what you will pack into your napkin, and when you are ready, sling it over your shoulder and stand in your place. We will go on a meditation walk exodus when everyone is ready and has their napkin filled.
4. When many people are standing begin the Reb Nachman song until everyone likely to rise has done so. Now begin to walk around the room (if feasible) chanting, on a nice day you can do as some eastern Jews do and walk around the outside of the house and back in.
5. Return to seats or if not walking, quiet down the chant to silence. After several minutes of silence invite people to share what they decided to take - objects and qualities.
6. Breaking into a joyful version of the Reb Nachman song work out great at this point.

     The Torah says that those who left Egypt were an eyrev rav, a mixed multitude.  Point out how those gathered at your table compose the "erev rav" - the mixed multitude of multi-talented people composing our community and people at this time in history.  We are always leaving an Egypt in our lives; by its nature life is full of narrow places, which is the meaning of the root word which makes up the Hebrew term for Egypt. (Mitzrayim.....root is "maytzar" which means narrow place, birth canal or strait.")  Because we have each other we are strengthened in our journeys through such times.

     This is the importance of having a minyan in our lives.  To remind us that life is like a sine wave, full of ups and downs, that nothing stays the same, that we are precious beings and together we can safely remember our Egypt-times, that we can do our best to support each other when being reformatted in the wilderness and know that achieving our desired changes will ready us for entering the promised lands of our dreams.   
 
Copyright 2002 Rabbi Goldie Milgram
 

VIZUALIZATION MEDITATION
FOR SEDER or SHABBAT SHIRAH
  by Laura Vidmar and Rabbi Goldie Milgram

      Allow your eyes to close. Inhale and exhale. Listen to the sound of your breath. Do you not hear the distant sound of an ancient sea? Listen to your breath from that part of your heart that remembers being there at the time of the Exodus from Mitzrayim. Inhale and exhale and hear the moving of the waters echoing in your innermost ear as you inhale and exhale.

    Keeping your eyes closed, look up as if you were looking at the top of the pillar of cloud that is guiding us out of Egypt. Observe the form and color of the cloud and feel the hope and promise that this pillar of cloud represents. Feel its pull on your soul drawing you toward freedom. Now allow your eyes to slowly slide down the length of the cloud, down and down, until your eyes reach the horizon. Notice the mass of people moving with you.
                                           
    Feel yourself moving toward the Sea in that ocean of Israelites. Are you leading children by the hand? Or are you a child yourself, moving quickly to keep up with the big people. Wondering that there is no work to be done today. No bricks to be made, no taskmasters with whips.

    Listen!  In the distance you can hear the dim clatter of spears and shields, horses’ hooves and the rumble of chariot wheels. The whinny of a horse, a muffled command barked by one of the charioteers or Egyptian Captains. The rumbling of the chariots. Pharaoh’s great army is coming behind us.

    We are approaching the sea. Inhale the tangy salty, watery smell of the sea. Feel the sand sift through your toes in your sandals. Listen! Perhaps you can hear the bleating of sheep. And the children saying “Mommy, Daddy, where are we going?” “What will happen to us?”

    The familiar, the known, is behind. The sea lies ahead, and the wheels of Pharaoh’s chariots are rumbling - coming closer.     The wind is picking up. A strong wind from the East. A persistent, steady, seemingly purposeful wind. A wind that could change everything.

      Your hair is flying and there are white caps on the sea. And then - Look!! Moshe is holding out his hands - - MY God - the sea is beginning to split.  It is a miracle! The sea has parted and there is a path on dry land before us. There is a huge, quivering wall of water on the left and a wall of water on the right.

    What is in your heart at this moment? Will you rush into the sea with a trusting heart, running toward freedom, praising God ...OR.... do you hang back - afraid of the unknown, afraid the walls of water will close and drown you - afraid of being caught - afraid of change. (Pause)    This is not an illusion.

    Both choosing and being propelled by the crowd. Almost numb with fear, curiosity, hope, and awe you are moving forward into the sea. Even the children and animals fall eerily silent as you walk between the towering walls of water.

    You can see the intense blue green of the sea on either side. Perhaps a dolphin cavorts along side you in the wall of water. What do you see in the wall of water? Light filters through the waters and casts dancing blue shadows on everyone.

    Now we’re half-way across. The wall of water on the left and right stretch as far as you can see in front and as far as you can see behind. Incredible ! We are walking on dry land in the midst of the sea.

    What an exhilarating moment - she-he-khe-yanu, to be alive at this time to experience this . Even if we drown or Pharaoh’s army overtakes us - dayenu. This would have been enough.

     The chariots sound different now - their wheels scraping and groaning against the sea floor. You are beginning to hear the suggestion of a melody (pause...if you happen to have an instrument begin playing a version of mikha mokha off-key and grating...) beckoning in the distance as you move toward the opposite shore.   Could it be animals? No, voices? Singing? 

      Despite exhaustion, growing elation lightens our footsteps.  (Modulate...move onto key if using instrument, or else humming could work) Your heartbeat quickens. The pace of everyone increases, surges.....soon you are running, flying.......... eager to reach the opposite side.

      A woman is singing.......you join her.....(burst into full melody with instrument, do not break the sacred trance....allow everyone to experience the fullness of their vision.)   (After a while ask people to notice their breath, to place their vision into their sacred memory chest and return to active awareness.)

[How does this work and why?  Guided visualization actually is reported not to work with about 10% of people, some of us are simply hard wired for different forms of spirituality. I mention this  so those who have this difference won't wear themselves out trying.  
   For those who can benefit from guided visualization it is a very powerful spiritual tool.  Several major medical research centers have discovered that it can even be a tool for active healing (called psycho-neuro-immunology), although this meditation is primarily designed for shifting consciousness. 
   Be sure to read slowly, with feeling and honor all the pauses fully, they are very important elements...like rests between the notes of a score.]    Copyright 2003 Rabbi Goldie Milgram

2004 Innovation for the Seder Plate

At a Pesach planning session with Bard college students, they decided our Passover plate will be the traditional one set onto a larger plate, and on the rim which shows from that larger plate will be the symbols of our times - an orange, an olive, and a fig.

A fig, you might ask? I'd suggested a symbol might also be on the plate for the struggle for freedom to receive and confer the sacraments of one's religious tradition, regardless of gender orientation. The gay and lesbian students suggested, with humor and pride, that it couldn't be a vegetable - it had to be a fruit! And so the succulent fig, the fig-ment of what had to be imagined so that it could begin to become a universal reality, equality for gay and lesbian people in marriage, as citizens and employees and the right to be ordained as clergy, will appear on our seder plate. And perhaps yours.    
 

When it comes his turn, the Queen taps him on the shoulders with the sword -- and in the panic of excitement he forgets the Latin line. Thinking quickly, he recites the only other line he knows in a foreign language, which he remembers from the Passover Seder: "Mah nishtana ha-lailah ha-zeh mi-kol ha-leilot."

The puzzled Queen turns to her advisor and asks, "Why is this knight different from all other knights?"

#2 As Moses and the children of Israel were crossing the Red Sea, the children  of Israel began to complain to Moses of how thirsty they were after walking so far. Unfortunately, they were unable to drink  from the walls of water on either side of them, as they were made of salt water.
   A fish from that wall of water told Moses that he and his family could help the people with their drinking water problem.  Through the fishes gills they could remove the salt from the water and force it out of their mouths like a fresh water fountain for the Israelites to drink from as they walked by.
   Moses accepted this kindly fish's offer. But before the fish and his family began to help, the fish had a demand. That they and their descendents would always be present at the seder meal that would be established to commemorate the Exodus.
   Moses agreed to this, and when he did, he gave them their name which remains how they are know to this day, for he said to them, "Go filter, fish!!"
                                                                   I wish you a joyous, deep and transformational Pesach. Reb Goldie